why being stuck after divorce is not your fault

Why Being Stuck After Divorce Is Not Your Fault

Many moons have passed and you’re still thinking about the past, struggling to let go. Let me tell you why being stuck might not be your fault.

Becoming more “manly“ by crying

You being tough is actually you being stupid. Let me explain. Our western culture has portrayed being masculine as being strong, invincible, in control.

If you’ve ever experienced your family being torn apart or even being separated from your own children or losing your home in divorce then you know you’re far from being Superman. Sitting on your sofa crying can make you feel even more emasculated. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Realize that this unrealistic ideal might be causing more harm to you than it is helping you. It’s time to start thinking about what being a man means to YOU, not to others. It’s you who has to get through this situation and face the unique challenges life is presenting you with right now.

Suppress Until You Explode

When “being tough“ means lacking emotional intelligence (how to handle your own emotions properly) then we are really talking about ignorance. Suppressing what you feel because you are afraid of making yourself vulnerable, of crying or of appearing weak can lead to one of two unattractive outcomes:

1. Explosion

You bottle up your fear, anger, grief until you can no longer hold it. Then you lash out at your Ex, your children, one of your co-workers or maybe even at court. The result: more drama for you.

2. Implosion

Let’s say you do a great job at bottling everything up and controlling yourself. Congratulations. Don’t be surprised if a few years down the line you start to develop a health condition as a result of all the pent-up emotion and constant stress. After all, about 90 percent of illness and disease is said to result from stress.

The reason you are stuck might be this unfortunate societal programming (which is due to no fault of your own) of what it means to “be a man“. If you don’t face your emotions, how do you expect to move past them?

You might not be responsible for how you got conditioned growing up, but you have response-ability (the ability to respond) to what’s going on in your life right now. What you decide to do next matters.