You drive to your ex to get your kid(s) for the weekend. As you pull over you notice her new boyfriend’s car in the driveway. You feel a sting in your chest…
It’s been some time now, but you’re still holding on. It hurts to think about her, the family you had with her and seeing her with another man. You know it’s time to let go. You want to get over your ex, but you don’t know how.
Kill Hope, Don’t Wait For It To Die
It’s about being proactive. Let’s come back to Steven Covey: “Look at the word responsibility — “response-ability” — the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.“
Do you really want to put your life on hold and wait around for your ex to, maybe, change her mind? There might still be a chance with her, but you don’t have much control over that. Decide where you want to go from here and exercise your response-ability.
Cry Like A Baby
Maybe you think the solution to get over your ex is to numb yourself and suppress what you feel. This will only lengthen the grieving process. Find something to help you access your emotions. It might be music, it might be watching sad movies. Some activity or person where you feel safe to be vulnerable and express your feelings. A proven strategy is to make some time (like 30 minutes) every day to feel your emotions and cry. No phone, TV, radio, just being with yourself.
The Hope Secret
As painful as it might be, it’s crucial that you begin to envision an alternative future. The feeling of hope is dependent on having a desirable future. If you feel that there is no other future but being with your ex and that path is blocked, you’re in bad luck. An exercise I do with my clients is having them write down the top 10 positive and top 10 negative qualities of a new partner. This gets them thinking in a different direction.
Setting specific personal and professional goals will give you hope. It helps you to look towards the future, rather than the past. What one goal can you set for yourself today to inspire forward-movement?
Check out the free worksheet below, a powerful 10-minute exercise for gaining clarity on what you want:
