Finally you and your ex have separated living spaces. It’s good to have clarity, but the place is just so empty. Without your family around it’s like a cemetery of lost dreams. Living alone after separation feels alien to you, you’re just not used to it.
Readjustments are challenging, especially so if you’ve been living under the same roof with your children (and your ex) for many years. It’s a big shift that can be very upsetting.
Read on for some tips on how to make this transition easier on yourself. It doesn’t have to be such a struggle.
Loneliness Is The Mind-Killer
You’re used to a lively house, your kids running around, to spending your evenings with your woman. Now on the days where you don’t see your kids, there’s no one around. If you can’t get over your ex, it’s even worse.
Often shared social contacts get damaged after the separation. It’s on you to reach out to old friends or pick up a new hobby to meet people. I know this can be challenging and you probably don’t feel like it, but it’s crucial that you get outside of the house or apartment and cultivate your social life.
The Amazing Comfort Of Boring Routines
Those things you might have called “boring”, they actually gave you a lot of comfort when you think about it. Now that so much is shifting in your life, it’s good to establish some regularity again.
Find some routines, maybe similar to the ones you had before your separation, and pick them up again. Think about how you can bring more structure to your days and weeks. Knowing what’s going to happen on your Friday evenings can be very comforting.
Bring Down The Wrecking Ball
If you stayed in the family home, don’t leave everything as it was. You don’t want to get stuck in the past. Make some changes. I don’t mean to actually demolish stuff, but make an effort to redecorate and make the place your own.
If it was you who moved out, think about what you wanted to do when you were living together with your ex, but didn’t. Enjoy your new-found freedom and decorate your place as your heart desires. No need to compromise.
Living alone after separation can be a stark contrast to what you’re used to. It can feel really lonely at times. Be aware of the social component and make an effort to meet friends and socialize, even if you don’t fully feel like it yet.
In addition, see if you can bring some predictability and structure to your days and weeks. This will help you to feel at home, even if a lot is shifting in your life right now. Here’s a great guide on habits by Jim Clear, by the way.
Finally, make your new (or old) place your own. Don’t underestimate replacing a few pictures or painting the walls in a color you enjoy.
When you take small consistent steps forward, before long, you’ll start to feel at home again. At home with yourself and at home in your new life.